Vision of Love Read online

  “Sure that sounds like fun.” She holds on to my hand tighter. I guess this is something I can do since I still can’t find a teaching job or anything. I’ve put in so many applications, but no response from anyone. I’ve applied to so many schools and even some day cares. Neil makes fun of me for even applying. I don’t necessarily need a job but I want one. What am I supposed to do with all my free time anyways? I look over at Emma swinging and laughing. Babysitting?

  I push Emma on the swing, hearing her laugh and telling me to push her harder so she can go higher.

  “Having fun?”

  I turn around and see Alexis sitting on the swing next to Emma. “Yeah I am. Thanks for having me over. Your parents are so nice.”

  “Yeah they are,” she smiles. “Sooooo I’ve been meaning to ask you.”

  “Yeah?” Please don’t ask about Nicholas!

  “A date with my brother, huh?” Her smile grows, looking at me and waiting for my reaction.

  I don’t answer her. I focus on Emma, pushing her on the swing. Although a date with Nicholas does sounds fun. Isn’t there some rule that says you can’t date your sexy, hot and sweet best friend’s brother? “Ummm…” is all I can say.

  ”That’s what I thought. He’s a great guy Karly. He’s sweet and patient and I think you two will look good together.”

  “What are you talking about? We’re friends and roommates, that’s it.” That’s what I have to keep telling myself. There’s no point getting my hopes up. Nicholas is too damn sexy and beautiful to notice me. He’s in the major leagues while I’m struggling to keep my head above water. I’m a mouse compared to him. No one notices a mouse. We’re the insignificant animals that people pass by. We’re what people feed to snakes. Yep I’m a mouse and he’s the one that everyone wants.

  Alexis has the biggest grin on her face. She looks like she has a plan in her head that scares the crap out of me. “Well remember everything happens for a reason. Life’s all about taking risks.”

  Tilting my head back I marvel at the beach and the calmness of the afternoon sky. Everything’s happening so fast. I’m not sure what to do. My attraction for Nicholas is growing every day. Is it too soon though?

  Needing a moment away from everyone and everything I walk down the path to the empty and peaceful beach. The waves are crashing against the shore as my mind wanders and remembers the happier times. These are the moments that make me feel alive; just sitting on the sand, watching the freeness of the waves. Sometimes I wish I could fly away from everything and start over again, away from the memories that haunt my mind and find my own path of happiness and joy.

  I place my hand over my heart and close my eyes. Tilting my head up towards the sky I think about my parents. As much as I hate my dad, I still love him.

  I looked and saw the gun in my mom’s hands. She rushed to me and held my head against her chest. The blood was gushing from my face.

  “Honey go sit down and I’ll be right back.” I nodded and did what she asked. In a few minutes she came back and told me to lie down. Her hands touched my face as she cleaned up the wound and started stitching me up. The pain subsided and I felt groggy.

  “Mom?”

  She kissed my forehead and gave me a smile. “Drink this honey and when you wake up everything will be alright.” I nodded and took the glass from her hands. She smiled again and pushed the strands of hair from my face. “I’m sorry for everything Karly. I’m sorry I never protected you from him and I’m sorry that you had this life.” She kissed my forehead. “Don’t ever think I didn’t love you because I did and I always will. You’re the light and the strength I needed to survive.”

  I squeezed her hand, “I love you too mom.” And the darkness took over.

  Wiping the tears from my eyes I slowly get up from the sand and make my way back to the house.

  Chapter 6

  Nicholas

  Standing on the deck watching Karly and Emma play is interesting. Not in a bad way by any means. Emma’s laughing and having fun while Karly keeps a watchful eye on her. When Emma’s in a happy mood it makes me feel better as a dad. These are the proud moments I look forward to. Nothing in life truly matters except the happiness of your child.

  “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Alexis asks placing her hand on my shoulder watching them with me.

  “What do you mean?”

  “You know exactly what I mean.” She’s right I do. Moving from California was hard because now I have to figure out day care, school and activities for Emma. Back in California it was easier with Jamie but back home everyone’s working, except for Karly. I’m not sure I can ask her. I just met the girl, but she seems incredible and if she’s Emma’s nanny that means I’ll be around her more. This could be a win-win situation. “How do I ask her?”

  “Well I did what I did so now all you have to do is ask her.”

  I wonder if I should ask her here at the house or wait until we get back to the apartment. Usually I’m the type of guy who knows what he wants and goes after it, but with Karly everything I know goes out the window. Maybe I should ask her to get drinks with me tonight. Fuck it shouldn’t be this hard.

  I need a distraction before I look like a creeper. I’ve been thinking about Karly and wanting to spend time with her. We just met and she’s consuming me. How’s this possible? Is there such a thing as to what I’m feeling? All I want is to stay away from her. I’m not boyfriend material or the forever type. Love and forever don’t mix with me. I’m the disease that kills love and everything good.

  I help my dad with the grilling while talking to the guys about college basketball and March madness.

  “Gonna be a good season for our boys.” Dad’s a huge UNC fan and every year without fail roots for them to go all the way.

  “Looking good so far,” I say drinking my beer. Personally I’m a Duke fan, but I try not to remind him of that fact.

  “Larry you gonna get some tickets this season?” Dad asks his eyes beaming with excitement. Honestly this man lives and breathes basketball.

  “You got it Mr. H. I’ll hook you up.”

  Dad laughs putting his arm around Larry. “See Nicholas, at least someone loves me.”

  I shake my head. “Dad for the millionth time I’m sorry I couldn’t get you tickets that year. I had clients to impress. Come on you know you love me,” we laugh, but dad shakes his head. That’s something he’ll always hold above my head.

  “Mr. H did I tell ya? Our boy here has a little crush on that beautiful girl down there.” Larry nods his head towards Karly. Fucking idiot.

  Dad raises his eyebrows but doesn’t say anything. “Shut up. You don’t know what you’re talking about.” Only he does. I’m too much of a coward to admit this girl has me jumping through hoops.

  “Whatcha boys talking about?” Alexis chimes in stealing my beer.

  “Nothing,” I quickly respond before Larry opens his mouth again.

  “Well whatever you’re talking about I need to steal this pretty boy,” Alexis grabs my hand and we head toward the trail. Damn I haven’t been down this here in years.

  Growing up Alexis and I spent so much time down here. It was a nice escape from being under the microscope of the lives we were supposed to live. Private school. Only the best of the best. That was our life. Although we were under a microscope our parents were constantly supportive and pushed us to greatness. Life was good, Jamie made it better and then Emma solidified the meaning of life. Even after losing Jamie it was hard, but I eventually got through it and things got easier.

  “Nicky,” Alexis starts to talk interrupting my thoughts. “There are things about her you need to know.” I stop walking and turn to her. “Listen don’t get me wrong I love her and think she’s a great person, but she hasn’t had the best life. Be careful with her Nicky. She’s strong so strong, but also scared. When you’re together for almost ten hours a day, Monday through Friday, you get to know people. I got to know Karly and she got dealt a bad hand.”
Alexis wipes away a tear and I can’t help to wonder what’s going on. “Karly’s parents died and her dad beat the shit out of her for almost two years. One night he,” she sighs, taking a shuddering breath, “Took a piece of glass to her face Nicky. I mean he almost killed her.” Ah, the scars on her face. I didn’t think anything about it. “Her mom shot him and then killed herself. She had everything, but once the media spread the news about her family everyone left her and she had to start over.”

  “How?” I didn’t want to sound arrogant, but without money how do you start over?

  “She was left with a huge trust fund and their insurance policy.”

  “Oh.” I walk away and feel my heart breaking. Holy shit. This girl’s been through fucking hell. “I don’t know what to say. Do I help her?”

  “Oh Nicky don’t do it because you feel bad for her! That’s not why I told you. I told you because…”

  “Stop Lex. I want to be there for her. She’s a great person and I think I’m gonna ask her about being Emma’s nanny tomorrow. I want her to be Emma’s nanny,” I shrug my shoulder, “I only want the best.”

  “Sure.”

  What’s going on? Yes of course I want the best for Emma, but I don’t know this girl or what she’s capable of. I never thought to be in this position with anyone. Maybe her as Emma’s nanny will be a good thing. Everyone’s working and Emma needs a little more stability in her life.

  If I ask her to be Emma’s nanny that means I’ll see more of her and I’m not sure that’s a good idea. Thoughts of her eyes and smile fill my mind. I shake off any feelings I have for her. Karly seems like the type of girl who wants the epic love story. What exactly is love? I’m not capable of understanding or giving love. It doesn’t matter that I’m attracted to her I’ve closed myself off to women and need to focus on my job and Emma. She’s my number one. I can’t leave her to find my own happiness. Things with Jamie and I didn’t work out and Emma’s suffering without her parents together. She deserves more. My daughter will never feel pain ever again. I’ll protect her until the day I die, because she’s my world and there’ll never be anything to hurt her. As much as I want Karly, I need to think of Emma and what’s best for her. “Don’t worry about anything. I’m fine.” I know I’m being rude, but I’m not good talking about my feelings and all that bullshit.

  “Nicky,” Alexis takes my hand, “I know you’re still hurt, but when are you gonna live? Jamie’s out doing whatever she wants so why can’t you? When one door closes another one opens. I know you just met her, but trust me she’s so sweet and a great person inside and out.”

  I let her words sink in. She’s interesting and fun to be around. She can make me laugh and smile and forget about the everyday bullshit that life likes to bring. “I know,” is all I’m able to say.

  “Just don’t wait too long,” Alexis winks walking back to the house.

  She has a point. Karly and I get along and she’s good with Emma. I don’t feel uncomfortable and want them to be together more often, but when I think about moving on with my life it scares me. The pain and agony that comes along with heartbreak isn’t something I want to experience again. However, it’s Karly, the girl who can make me stop with just one smile. Maybe it’s time to be happy and let love back in.

  Emma’s passed out by the time we get back home. Alexis takes Emma to her bed leaving me along with Karly. “Hey do you wanna go down Sullivan’s for a drink?”

  She looks at me for a moment thinking about what she should say. “Sure, that sounds like fun.”

  Dinner with my parents goes by fast. My eyes find their way to Karly every chance I get. Her eyes seer into my mind. All I can see is her beautiful smile. How can anyone hurt her? I’m fucking glad she’s here with us and her parents are dead. The need to protect her rushes through me.

  * * * * *

  Sullivan’s isn’t too far of a walk and it’s a nice Sunday night in Wilmington. The lights are on throughout the streets and people are driving, walking and enjoying their time outside. It’s not too late, just a little past eight. The walk with Karly is quiet. She doesn’t say anything and she seems nervous.

  “Where’s your head at?”

  “Oh,” she responds. “Nowhere. Just thinking about things.”

  “Like?” There’s amusement in my voice. I have this need to want to know what she’s thinking and feeling. What are her inner secrets and desires?

  “Ummm Boston. My life back there and how it is now.”

  “Are you happier?” She nods. “Then that’s all that matters. You can’t move on with your life if you’re stuck in the past. What happened happened you know? There’s no point in dwelling on things you can’t change. Life is all about moving forward and knowing what you wanna achieve. Once you have that in your head and your eye on the prize nothing will get in your way. And if you have a few obstacles then you handle those bumps one by one.” Damn when did I get all smart and philosophical. “Feel the moment and don’t let anything pass you by because sometimes when you miss your chance you’ll never get it back.”Karly nudges my side, laughing. “Well alright then Aristotle aren’t you full of knowledge.”

  “Baby you ain’t seen nothing yet,” I smirk putting my arm around her shoulders. Not sure why I did that but it’s nice. She doesn’t pull away and I see a small smile on her face. Oh fuck me.

  When we walk into the bar, ‘Until You’ by Billy Currington is playing. Interesting song choice. I look down at Karly and her lips are moving. Is she singing? We take a seat at the bar, “What do you want?”

  “Hmmmm let’s do two shots of Washington Apple.”

  “Alright sounds good.” I get the bartender’s attention and order the shots. “So you sing?”

  “Huh?” She whips her head to me. “No!”

  “Yeah you do. I heard you…Well kinda.”

  “I mean sometimes but it’s not like I’m good,” she nervously laughs turning her head to the small dance floor.

  Our shots come and we take it. Shit that’s good. Karly makes the cutest face I’ve seen. Her whole face scrunches up as she shakes her head. “You wanted this shot and you’re having a hard time?”

  “I haven’t drank in so long! Back in college I wasn’t a huge drinker and neither was Neil, but when we drank oh my gosh it was bad.”

  “How so?” I know she’s not going to answer me. I take a quarter out and flip it. Heads. “You have to answer now.”

  “So not fair! But fine. One night we got wasted and Neil dared me to run around outside the frat house naked. So I did. Let’s just say, it wasn’t one of my finer moments.”

  A naked Karly. Damn. I would’ve given anything to see that. We order another round of drinks and I watch as she sits next to me cradling her glass. I flip the coin again to get her attention. Heads. She shakes her head laughing. “Alright serious question now.”

  “You? You can be serious?”

  I shrug. “Sometimes. Alright,” I take a drink of my beer before asking her. “Will you be Emma’s nanny? I never thought about getting one lined up for her and if you can’t it’s fine. I can put her in day care and my mom can bring her to Pre School, but you’ll be helping me a lot if you can watch her while I’m at work. She’s easy and she already adores you. It’ll be a win-win plus I’ll pay you.” Damn that sounds bad I hope she doesn’t get offended.

  “I’d love to be her nanny! I freaking love Emma! And no you’re not paying me! I have the time to watch her since no one’s calling me back for an interview so why not? I don’t really have any other plans either so yes it’s a win-win.”

  “Thank you it means a lot,” I reach over and give her a hug. We stay in this embrace for a few moments. She feels perfect in my arms, the right fit, and I’m not sure if I want to let go. “Do you wanna dance?”

  “Okay.”

  I get up, taking her hand in mine and lead her to the dance floor. ‘Ready to Love Again’ by Lady Antebellum plays bringing more people to the floor. What the hell is going on wi
th the song choices tonight? The words sink in as Hilary sings about wandering around and didn’t know who she was. It hits me. This is me. I’m scared of love, but most of all scared of being alone. After Jamie I played it safe and built a concrete wall around my heart.

  Without thinking and throwing out my fears, I wrap my arms around her waist looking down into her eyes. The closeness of our bodies sends pleasure down to my groin.

  “You’re really short,” I laugh trying to break the tension.

  “Shut up!” Karly’s arms rest around my neck as we sway to the music. I bring her closer to my body, breathing in her vanilla scent. Her intoxicating smell is driving me crazy. She rests her face against my chest holding me tighter. Like I said perfect fit.

  The song changes to ‘She Will Be Loved’ by Maroon 5. The words hit me again and I feel everything he’s singing.

  “This is one of my favorite songs,” she whispers in my chest.

  I don’t answer her. Instead I hold her tighter, letting her know I don’t want to let her go and this moment is complete. My heart starts pounding. Feelings start stirring. Feelings I’ve buried so deep in my core. She’s the one who makes me feel again. When the song ends Karly slowly leaves my arms and immediately I miss her. Without thinking I lean in kissing her lips.

  Chapter 7

  Karly

  Oh hell freaking hell on all things precious. He’s kissing me! He’s freaking kissing me.

  His tongue glides along my bottom lip and I swear I think my knees are about to give out. I slowly open my mouth, inviting him in. Our tongues meet and wow he can kiss. The slow sexy dance with our tongues is turning me on full force. The ache between my thighs increases and my heart is beating so fast. He’s leaving me breathless.

  I sigh, breathless.

  “Nicholas?” I whisper on his lips. “Wow.”

  He kisses the tip of my nose, “Yeah.”