Say It Again Read online

  Table of Contents

  Other Books by S. Moose

  Dedication

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Chapter 30

  Acknowledgements

  About the Author

  Say It Again

  Copyright © 2017 by S. Moose

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual person, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of various products referenced in this work of fiction, which have been used without permission. The publication/use of these trademarks is not authorized, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owner.

  All rights reserved.

  Cover Picture from https://stock.adobe.com

  Cover Design by Dana Lamothe @ Designs by Dana

  Interior Formatting by Tami @ Integrity Formatting

  Editing by Ellie of LoveNBooks.com

  Proofreading by Virginia Tesi Carey and Stacy Hahn

  Release Day Blitz and Blog Tour by Give Me Books

  Other Books by S. Moose

  Dedication

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Chapter 30

  Acknowledgements

  About the Author

  People always leave.

  After graduating from college, Cameron Pratt’s spending the summer with her best friend, Grace Shea. There’s only one problem. Her brother, Jacob, will be there too.

  Jacob Shea. Only one word describes him. Douchebag.

  His touch doesn’t make her body tremble.

  His eyes don’t see her heart.

  He’s nothing to her and she wants nothing to do with him.

  When Jacob finds out Cameron’s in town, he’s doing everything he can to win back her trust and make her see how good they’ll be together.

  Will Jacob be able to open Cameron’s eyes, or will the walls around her heart be too high and unbreakable?

  Never Letting Go series

  Reaching Out For You

  Holding Onto You

  Next to Forever

  Infinity Series

  Vision of Love

  Vision of Destiny

  Vision of Hope

  Interrupted Series

  Interrupted Vol 1

  Interrupted Vol 2

  Interrupted Vol 3

  The Offbeat Series

  Offbeat

  Even Rhythm

  Standalones

  Teach Me Love

  Beautiful Lessons with Rebecca Brooke

  Take Me Away

  Rewriting the Rules

  Refresh

  To my Uncle Sam.

  Losing you was so difficult and I'm still processing it. I miss you so much and I wish we had more days together. Thank you for being a supportive and loving Uncle. You're always going to be my Princess Peaches. Soar high in Heaven.

  To my son, Lucas Deckard Moose.

  There will never be words to describe how thankful I am for you. You're the light of my life and I didn't know what I was missing until I held you in my arms. Mommy loves you so much.

  THERE ARE TIMES in life when we wish to have a crystal ball or some sort of alert that signals when our lives will change. A flare would go off, signaling the upcoming bad news, so you’re prepared for what’s to come. If I heard that flare or saw the events in my crystal ball, I would’ve intervened and told my parents to come straight home.

  I’ve never understood the quote only the good die young. What does that mean? Only good people die young, and everyone else who’s old is bad? See how that quote makes zero sense? It pisses me off when I hear someone say that. The rage builds inside me, and I seethe with intense fury and blinding sadness. Death isn’t something that we can get over in a day, a month, or a year. It takes time to process the loss and there are no quotes that will help.

  No one can predict when things fall in all sorts of directions. Everything that was supposed to be isn’t and we’re left with the dulling ache that never goes away.

  I used to love the start of spring: the sun, clear skies, the warm weather, and being outside.

  Now . . . not so much.

  This is the one place I hate coming to. It’s been over four years, and the ache in my heart stands as a reminder of the loss I’ve experienced. I’m not sure if someone ever gets over loss or if there’s a silver lining. Some people have told me at least they aren’t in pain, but the thing is, they never were in pain to begin with. They were healthy and full of life. Their lives were cut short because of a fucking immature asshole who thought drinking and driving was the cool fucking thing to do.

  Pain? The only pain is realizing the two people that loved you with everything are gone and there’s nothing you can do to get them back. No matter how hard I pray or wish, I’ll never see them again. I’ll never hear their voices or hug them.

  My eyes slowly water with the never-ending tears when I think about what I’ve lost. The blinding rays of the early afternoon sun beam down on me bringing a slight comfort. Standing above the tombstones, I stare at the words etched into the stones.

  Brett & Erika Pratt

  October 8, 1972—April 5, 2011 December 2, 1972—April 5, 2011

  Loving parents taken away too soon. Soar through the Heavenly skies with music in your hearts and always watch over us.

  I can’t look away. I’ll never forget that night and the weeks following the devastation of losing the two people who meant the world to me.

  “Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.” I lean in and kiss their tombstone. Placing the bouquet of red roses on their grave, I sit down on the blanket I brought, cross my legs and talk to the wind like I always do when I come to visit.

  “So I graduated with honors and I felt you with me while I walked the stage to get my diploma. I hope you’re proud of me.” I pause for a moment to gather my thoughts. I hate this part. I hate coming here, talking to my parents, never hearing their response, and sitting alone. It’s depres
sing. They died too young.

  “I’m spending the summer with Grace and her family. The whole adulting thing isn’t on my radar right now. I’m not going to lie . . .” I pause and close my eyes, trying to figure out the right words to say. “I feel so lost without the two of you.” I open my eyes and look at their tombstone. “I’m lost,” I say again. “Even though I have my degree, I’m not very motivated to put out my resume. I was offered a position where I interned, but I turned it down. Part of me wants to relax for a while and the other part of me wants to work and not worry about anything.”

  I press on my thighs with my sweaty palms and take in a deep breath, letting the tears fall. My cheeks feel hot from the sob I’m holding in. Over four years has passed and the pain is still alive in my chest. It rips me apart, especially when I’m alone, leaving me to pick up my own pieces.

  Memories of the night I lost them flood my mind.

  I had just turned eighteen and was in the middle of my senior year. My parents and I had so many plans. We were preparing for prom, graduation and spending the summer in California before I got settled at Syracuse University.

  How does life take so much happiness and turn it into tears and anger?

  I could hear myself screaming and the cold hardwood floor pressing against my body. Everything went black and by the time I woke up, I was in the hospital. My best friend, Cooper Pearce, was by my side and held my hand. He was there for me and got me through the hell I was living in.

  I spend the next hour talking about whatever comes to mind before I walk the rocky trail to my car and sit in silence for a moment. My head leans against the headrest and my breathing slows to a normal pace.

  I hear my phone beeping from the center console in my car and I know it’s Grace. She’s checking up on me and I love her for it.

  Grace Shea and I met our freshman year in college and instantly became friends. Do you know those people who you just meet, but instantly know they’re going to be an important part of your life? That was Grace. We cheered together in college and were in the same sorority. She’s my person—the one who was there for me through the bright and dark days. Whenever I felt sad or down, she picked me up with red velvet cupcakes and a dance party. Her family included me in almost everything. I felt bad when they’d invite me over for the holidays and I declined. I love her family . . . except her brother, Jacob. He’s the reason why I didn’t hang out with Grace during breaks and holidays. Seeing him again brings too much bad shit back that I want to forget.

  Jacob fucking asshat Shea was the definition of a douchebag. The fucking definition.

  Before I knew who Jacob was, I thought he was smoking hot and wanted to fuck him and scream his name. Which, I did, but that was before I knew who he was and once I found out and once he showed me his true colors I placed him on my shit list and refused to look his way. Needless to say, freshman year was awful.

  My phone beeps again and brings me back from my memories. Picking up my phone I laugh when I read her text messages.

  Grace: Hi, I miss you hurry over please!

  Grace: I’m drinking vodka and lemonade with a splash of cranberry. It’s so good and quite refreshing. I’ll make you a lot so you can giggle like I am.

  Grace: Are you almost here?

  Grace: Oh shit! I’m a bad bad bad friend! You’re with your parents and here I am begging you to get your cute ass over here. OMG I suck. I’m sorry =( I hope everything’s okay and just know I’m here for you okay? I love you. XOXO.

  Me: You’re too cute. Get that drink ready for me in two hours <3 Can’t wait to spend the summer with you! MUAH!

  My road trip playlist keeps me occupied and the drive goes by quickly. I tell myself this summer I’m going to have fun and not be a downer. Grace and I have plans to have fun, relax, party and meet new people. Since her break up with Jeff, she’s been in a slump even though she won’t admit it. I’m not sure how she’s holding it together after finding her boyfriend of eight years in bed with her best friend. Let’s just say her best friend went into hiding because she may or may not have been sporting a black eye and bald spot.

  I pass the Pittsford New York sign and know I’m close. I’m getting so excited to see my best friend and her parents, but not stupid Jacob fucking asshat Shea.

  Parking my car, I grab my bags and hear Grace running toward me. “You’re here!”

  “Hi!” We do the whole OMG you’re here and I miss you so much hug and speech before she helps me to her house and up to her room. “Where are your parents?”

  “They’ll be back at the end of the week. Vaca in Fuji for their thirtieth wedding anniversary.”

  “That’s so sweet. I hope they’re having fun.”

  “They’ve been gone for almost three weeks!” Grace tells me. “I guess they got an extra few nights at the hotel, so they’re using it to spend more time together.”

  “That’s awesome!” I sit on the bedroom floor and open my suitcase, going through my clothes to figure out what I want to wear for tonight.

  “I don’t want to bring this up, but have you talked to Cooper?” Grace bites her nails and looks at me while I slowly take out my clothes. When she’s nervous, she bites her nails. I tell her all the time she needs to fight against that habit.

  “It’s okay, Grace,” I tell her. “We’re actually meeting for drinks in an hour. Do you want to come with?”

  “Yes, please! I love drinks!” She laughs and hurries off the bed to get ready.

  “I’m going to shower if that’s cool.” I grab an outfit from my suitcase and quickly check my phone to see if Cooper texted me about tonight.

  “Yeah, girl of course. Towels are in that closet and everything you need is in the bathroom. Let me know if you need anything else.”

  “Thanks, babe.”

  After my shower and both of us getting ready we head out to Black and Blue to meet Cooper for drinks. To say I’m a little nervous is an understatement.

  “How long has it been since you’ve seen him?” Grace asks.

  “Almost a year.”

  It was hard saying bye to him, but I knew that was something he needed to do. He needed to find himself . . . without me.

  I park the car close to the restaurant and we head in. When we walk in, I see Cooper at the bar. His back is to us and he’s talking to someone. Grace takes my hand and we head in his direction.

  “Cooper,” I say with a smile and when he turns around, flashing me his brilliant smile and dazzling brown eyes, I lunge into his arms and he holds me tight.

  “Baby girl.” He holds me for a few moments before setting me down. “I want you to meet someone.” I turn and see who he’s referring to. “Cameron, this is Ian. My boyfriend.”

  “Ahem!” Grace coughs and the three of us laugh.

  “How could I forget? Ian, this is baby girl’s best friend and a pain in my ass, Grace.”

  We smile at Ian and I know he’s found himself. The way Ian looks at Cooper, with that certain light in his eyes, makes my heart sing. I love seeing my best friend happy. He’s found his place and he’s found it with someone that’ll make him happy. I’m rooting for them.

  We’re seated outside drinking martinis when Cooper takes my hand and we go inside to talk.

  “I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to talk to you.”

  My hand is on his and I give it a squeeze. “This is something you needed to do. You were always on my mind, Cooper. No matter what, you’re going to be in my heart forever. I love you so much and I’m so happy for you.”

  Cooper and I had dated for a few years before he admitted that he was attracted to men and not women. It was hard and I cried, but it made sense. We never had sex and each time we kissed it felt like his mind was somewhere else. I thought he was cheating on me and I followed him a few times. Cooper was always faithful and the night he told me everything, as hard as it was, I understood. When he left, a piece of me went with him. He was my oldest friend and I wanted to be selfish. I wanted to beg a
nd plead for him to stay, to forget his feelings and ignore what he knew deep down. For that moment I considered the possibility of being selfish, but I knew I couldn’t do that to him. I loved Cooper too much to stand in the way of him finding himself.

  “What about you? Have you seen Jacob yet?”

  I shake my head and finish my drink. Hearing Jacob’s name makes me roll my eyes and want to throat punch the next man I see. “No. I know it’s going to happen. I’m not ready yet.”

  “You’ll be fine.” He smiles again. “You’re here for the summer and he’s Grace’s brother. You better be ready when you see him. The both of you have some unfinished business.”

  “Unfinished business,” I scoff and roll my eyes. “Jacob and I have nothing.”

  “Mmmhmm.” Cooper smiles and shakes his head. The topic of Jacob’s getting on my nerves.

  “So I really like Ian. He’s so sweet and you guys are adorable.”

  “He’s everything to me, but I need to admit something to you.” I nod my head and wait for him. “When I finally was okay with being gay, it hurt. Do you know how badly I wished I weren’t?” He pauses and closes his eyes. “I mean I was dating the hottest, sexiest girl on campus and nothing. My dick wasn’t interested in you.”

  “Ouch.” I joke, pushing him away, and he laughs.

  “But as soon as I accepted it, I became okay with it you know? Graduating early and going to England helped me get away from everyone. It gave me a new perspective on life. Now, I’m okay with being gay. I’m in a good place with my family and with Ian.”

  “I’m so glad, Cooper. You deserve happiness.”

  “You do too, baby girl.” Cooper places his hand on mine and gives me a gentle squeeze. “I mean it, Cameron. Don’t let your fears guide what you want. I have a good feeling about this summer for you. You’ll see.”

  I smile and hang my head a little. He’s right. I do deserve happiness and maybe I’ll find it soon.

  “WHAT?” I YELL before answering the door and seeing my smiley little sister, Grace, standing on my porch. “Gracie, I love you, but it’s way too early.” I check my watch and see it’s almost seven. “Why are you here so early?”