Say It Again Read online

  “Stop staring at my boobs.”

  “Baby,” I murmur, “I don’t need to stare. I remember every inch of your body. I remember that if I press my lips here.” My fingers graze down her neck, “your body trembles just like it’s doing now. And if I touch you here.” My fingers graze her hips and run down her upper thighs, “it turns you on. You like when my hands are on you.”

  “No. I don’t. So stop touching me and thinking you can have your way with me.”

  She doesn’t wait for me to respond before swimming off to the other side of the boat. I watch her swim and talk to Grace.

  Aiden and I are back on the boat, grabbing beers, and watching everyone else in the water.

  “Any improvement?”

  “She thinks that night was a mistake. I’m not playing any games with her and I’m almost sure her head’s telling her to hate me and her body wants me.” I take a swig of my beer and turn away from the water so I’m not distracted by Cameron. “I’m going to show her the reason why I left that night. If I explain it to her she won’t understand, but if she sees my reason then maybe it’ll sink in.”

  “You ready for that?”

  “Yes.”

  WHEN WE GET back to the docks, I help Cooper and Ian load up and rush over to Cameron before she gets into her SUV.

  I gently pull her arm back, “Come back to my place with me and then I’ll take you home. Aiden or Grace can take your car back.”

  “Why?”

  “I need to show you why I left that night.” I’m ready to drop to my knees and give her my right arm to hear she’ll come with me.

  Question and hesitation are on her face and I’m scared she’s going to say no and I won’t get my chance.

  “I just need this one chance,” I beg her. “If after I show you and you don’t want anything to do with me, then I’ll leave you alone forever. I promise.” I’m pleading with her, taking her hands into mine, and hoping she’ll do this. There’s a long pause between us. Her eyes are locked onto mine. I want to know what she’s thinking.

  “Okay.”

  I let Aiden and Grace know what’s going on and we tell everyone goodbye. I open the door to my car for her and hurry to get in on my side. When we get in my car I take the forty-five minute drive to my house and I won’t lie, but fuck, I’m nervous as hell. This isn’t something I normally do. I’m protective when it comes to this part of my life. It’s hard to imagine how she’s going to take the news. The only thing I can do is be honest with her and hope she understands. I’m usually a confident guy and hardly ever get nervous. There’s only been a few times in my life I’ve felt like this.

  “Thank you for coming with me, Cameron.” I place my hand on her thigh and give her a squeeze. “It means a lot to me.”

  “Everyone deserves a second chance and I told you I’d give you this.” Her eyes don’t meet mine. Instead she keeps looking forward but doesn’t push my hand away from her thigh. “Doesn’t mean this means anything. I’m giving you a second chance, but don’t get it twisted, Jacob.”

  “I know. I just want you to know how much it means to me.”

  She chews her bottom lip and sets her hands on top of mine. “I wish you’d stop.”

  “Stop what baby?”

  “Acting like I’m yours or that I mean something to you. Every time you touch me it’s confusing, Jacob. I want to hate you so much. I want to leave here and never turn around.”

  “But?”

  “But I can’t,” she mutters and turns to face me. The moment her eyes fall into mine, I’m left breathless. She’s fucking beautiful. This has to work. She has to understand and forgive me.

  “I like you. I still like you from that night all those years ago. Even though I do like you, it doesn’t mean I trust you. You broke my trust.”

  “And I’m going to do everything I can to mend it.” The honesty pouring out of her, out of me, makes me realize I’m doing the right thing by letting her all the way in. She’s going to understand.

  I grip the steering wheel and push on the gas to get home a little faster. I won’t explain myself to her now. I need my hands on her and I need her to look into my eyes. When we get to my house, I get out of my car and walk around to her side. Opening her door, she gets out and before we go inside, I stand before her. She’s walking backward until her back hits my car and there’s nowhere for her to go.

  “Until you find out my reason for leaving and understand why, I’m not going to stop telling you how I feel. I won’t stop telling you how beautiful and sexy you are or that seeing you makes me forget everything. I don’t even remember my own name when you’re around. That’s what you do to me, Cameron. I don’t care if it’s been so long since we’ve been together because that night plays in my head over and over again.” Brushing my thumb across her bottom lip her eyes flutter shut and I lean in closer. “It’s you, Cameron. You’re the one I want.”

  “You don’t know what you want.” She tries to push me away. When I don’t move, she tries harder to push me. “Just show me so I can leave.”

  Taking her hand, we head to the door and I let out a breath. Giving her one last look, I open the door and we go inside. My heart races when I lead her into my house.

  “Daddy!”

  “Daddy?” Confusion plays on her face as my five-year-old son, Carter, comes running to me.

  “Cameron, this is my son. Carter, this is my friend Cameron.”

  “Hi.” He smiles at her with a big grin and I hope to God she now understands.

  Cameron bends down to Carter’s level and smiles. “Hey, cutie. It’s nice meeting you.”

  “It’s nice meeting you too, Cameron. You’re really pretty.”

  “Aw, aren’t you a sweetheart.”

  “Do you want to come play dinosaurs with me?” Carter points in the direction of his playroom upstairs and uses his other hand to extend it to Cameron. My son has better game than I do.

  “Of course!”

  Carter cheers and takes her hand. They walk up the stairs to his playroom and I silently follow. Watching the way they interact does something to me.

  Being a single father isn’t easy. There are times I wonder if I’m doing it right and if I’m giving Carter the best life. He spends most of his time with me and when I go out, which isn’t often, Brenda’s parents watch him. My parents help out too. The support and love we have is nice. I don’t take advantage of them and I hardly go out. I work the normal nine to five job and pick him up from day care or from his grandparents’ house as soon as I’m done.

  This September he starts kindergarten and I’m feeling good knowing he’s ready for school. Carter’s too smart for his own good and it makes me proud when I look at him.

  When Brenda decided to up and leave, it opened my eyes to a new life. A new perspective. The girls. The parties. The drinking. None of that shit mattered. Here I was, I had just turned twenty-five, and I was raising Carter on my own in my tiny as fuck studio apartment. The sleepless nights, endless diapers, and figuring out what he liked helped me grow up. It wasn’t all about me anymore. I had Carter to take care of and I worked my ass off to land a great paying job so we could move out of my studio apartment into the home we have now.

  Every night I promised Carter he’d always know love and he’d always have me. I wasn’t going to desert him the way his birth mother left because she didn’t want to be a mom.

  Brenda and I weren’t right for each other. She knew I was ready to call it off after only six months of dating and purposely stopped taking her birth control pills. The day she told me she was pregnant was the day my world both stopped and started. I didn’t know what the fuck I was going to do with a baby. My head was fucked up so I went on a drinking bender. The drinks were flowing that night and I almost got in my car, not giving a fuck how drunk I was, before my dad showed up and took my car keys from me. He pushed me against the car and told me to man up. My dad opened my eyes that night and I swore I’d be a better man.

&nbs
p; I found myself reading about pregnancy and the first year of a baby’s life. When I saw him on the monitor, my world was bright again.

  After three hours of labor, he was here and I have never felt so much love as I felt when I held him in my arms. Brenda and I tried to make it work, but we fought all the time and decided it was best to break up. We co-parented the best we could. A few months passed and that’s when she decided being a mother wasn’t what she wanted, so she left Carter with my parents and left town. I haven’t heard from her since that day. Carter asked about her for a while. I explained to him that his mom loved him, but moved away because she was confused.

  One day at day care, his friend tells him that he doesn’t have a mom either and since that day Carter hasn’t asked about Brenda.

  I head back downstairs to relive Carter’s babysitter. Katie lives down the street and her brother is friends with Carter. He loves when Katie’s here and I trust her with him.

  “Thanks for coming here last minute.”

  “No problem. I love hanging out with him.”

  Handing her forty dollars, I open the door for her and make sure she makes it back to her house okay.

  Hearing Carter’s laugh from upstairs, I take the stairs two at a time and watch as they’re playing with his toys.

  “Hey, buddy. Can I take Cameron away for a few minutes so I can talk to her?”

  “Sure, Daddy.” He gives me a smile and turns back to his toys.

  “Thanks, little man.”

  I nudge my head to the side a little and Cameron gets up and follows me to the kitchen.

  Leaning against the counter, I watch Cameron look around the kitchen. She’s avoiding eye contact with me. “So when my dad called me to let me know Brenda dropped Carter off with them along with all of his things, I had to leave. But, before I did, I sat on the bed and watched you as you slept. It fucking killed me to leave you. I didn’t want you waking up and thinking I used you. I know that’s what it seemed like, but that wasn’t it. I had to leave and ever since that day, it’s only been us. I work at home as a data analyst and I’m the only one who supports Carter.”

  “You haven’t talked to Brenda?”

  I shake my head.

  “Oh.”

  “Daddy.” Carter comes into the kitchen and tugs on my shirt. “I’m hungry, can we have dinosaur nuggets with carrots tonight?”

  “Sure thing, buddy.”

  Carter turns and looks at Cameron. “Will you stay for dinner too?”

  “Sure.” She doesn’t hesitate when she answers and keeps her eyes on my son. “Why don’t you show me where the dinosaur nuggets are and we can bake it together.”

  “That’ll be so cool! Is that okay, Daddy?”

  “Of course.” My eyes are on Cameron when I answer him. “I’ll set the table.”

  Carter quickly takes Cameron’s hand and brings her to the freezer. I’m watching the way she’s talking to my son and can tell how much she already cares; it makes me want her more than ever.

  I get the table ready and put a pitcher of iced water in the middle of the table. I’m pretty lucky Carter isn’t a juice or soda fanatic. He loves his vegetables and he’s never had soda and asks for juice now and then. Every time we eat, he has either water or milk.

  Every night we try to walk around the block and he tells me about his day. On the weekends we’re at my parents’ house swimming in their pool or doing something. We hardly stay home. I want to give Carter so much in life and have him experience everything I got to when I was his age.

  Grabbing the bag of carrots from the freezer, I pop the bag in the microwave and go to the living room to see what they’re doing. When I walk in, Carter’s sitting next to Cameron and they’re watching some cartoon. My stomach sinks watching them together. She has her arm around Carter and he’s sitting closely next to her.

  “Cameron, after dinner we’re going for a walk. Do you want to come too?” I hear Carter asking her.

  “Yeah, I can. Thanks for asking, buddy.” When he asks Cameron anything, she doesn’t hesitate and her answers are genuine.

  Sensing I’m in the room, her eyes meet mine and she gives me a smile that throws me back.

  “Dinner should be ready soon. Carter, go wash your hands please.”

  “Okay, Daddy.”

  When Carter leaves the room, I head over and sit down next to Cameron. “He’s my life. Nothing else matters.”

  “So I have to ask.” I can hear the hesitation in her voice. Whatever this question is, it’s obvious she’s nervous to ask or nervous to hear the answer.

  “Okay, ask me. You can ask me anything, Cameron. I’m going to be one hundred percent honest with you.”

  “Have you been with anyone since me?” Cameron looks down at her hands then lifts her head slightly to look at me. “I know it’s been a while and everything so if you have then . . .”

  “I haven’t,” I answer her truthfully. “Carter’s my main focus.”

  “Oh. I mean, okay.”

  I’m holding back the laugh because I don’t want to make her feel embarrassed. Since having Carter, I haven’t had any interest in being with other women. Each tall, petite, long hair blonde that I saw reminded me of Cameron, but they weren’t her.

  “Listen, I know you’re being nice to Carter. You don’t have to stay for dinner or go for a walk with us.”

  “No,” she quickly answers. “I want to.”

  I have to touch her. Taking her hand in mine, I lift it to my lips and keep my eyes on her. “Thanks for being here.”

  “You don’t have to thank me. I get your reason and I commend you for that, but I’m not ready to go there with you yet.”

  “When you’re ready, Cameron, I’ll be here.”

  She said yet.

  After dropping Cameron off at my parents’ house, Carter and I head home and I’m ready for him to start asking questions about Cameron. By the time we’re back home, he’s passed out in the backseat. I’m lucky for tonight. I know the questions will start coming.

  Picking him up, I lift him in my arms and bring him inside. When I get to his bedroom, I change him into his PJs and pull his covers up.

  “Night, buddy. I love you.”

  “Night, Daddy. I love you too,” he mutters before passing back out.

  Getting to my room, I change into workout shorts and climb under my covers. Pulling out my phone I text Grace for Cameron’s number. She gives it to me without question and I send Cameron a text.

  Me: Hey, it’s Jacob. Thank you for tonight. It means a lot to me that you listened and spent time with us.

  Cameron: I had a lot of fun. Carter’s so cute.

  Me: This week I’m busy with work and Carter has soccer. Would you like to come over next Saturday? Carter has a soccer game at 11 and we’ll probably grab pizza and wings for lunch then hang out.

  Cameron: I’m not sure.

  A few minutes pass and I’m not sure what to say. Before I send a response, Carter comes into my room and climbs into bed with me.

  “What’s up, buddy?”

  “I know I’m supposed to be in bed since it’s my bedtime and I’m tired. Will I get to see Cameron again?”

  “Yeah buddy, you will. She’s here for the summer and staying with Grandma and Grandpa.”

  “That’s so cool. I like her a lot. She listened to me talk about soccer and my lizard. So is she your friend or your girlfriend because Alex’s dad has a new girlfriend and she’s really nice to them. Alex tells me that Chloe, that’s the girlfriend, hangs out with him all the time. She even sleeps over!”

  I let out a laugh and put my arm around Carter. “Cameron and I are friends.”

  “Do you like her?”

  “I do.”

  “Cool. I do too.”

  As young as Carter is, he understands more than your typical five-year-old. I’m always honest with him and whatever he asks, I tell him the truth 99.9% of the time. When it comes to Brenda I’m a little more careful. He hasn’t bro
ught her up in a while so I’m thankful for that.

  An idea comes to my head and I tell Carter to smile for a selfie. When I take the picture I send it to Cameron with a caption Carter misses you and wants you to come hang out with us next Saturday.

  Cameron: OMG you did not just use your son to bribe me.

  Me: But I did.

  I give her a few more minutes before sending her another text.

  Me: I think we need to spend more time together. I want to be your friend and hopefully more. I’m asking for another chance. You said people deserve second chances. Let this be my second chance. Let me prove to you I’m a better man and a man that truly cares about you.

  Cameron: Ok. I’ll come over. Promise me one thing?

  Me: What?

  Cameron: Remember that I do forgive you. I just need time.

  Me: I’ll give you anything you need.

  She doesn’t respond and that’s okay with me. I look at Carter who’s fallen asleep and pull him closer in my arms.

  The next morning, after dropping Carter at the park for soccer practice, I head over to my parents’ house to talk to Cameron. After parking my car, I head to the back, I’m assuming they’re by the pool, and see that my assumption is right.

  Sitting down on Cameron’s lounger, I look at her through my sunglasses and thank God she can’t see the way I’m staring at her.

  “Hey brother dearest,” Grace says and hands me a drink.

  “Grace it’s only nine.”

  “Yeah,” she sighs and takes a drink. “I know.”

  “I’ve tried telling her that too,” Cameron adds. “What’s up?”

  “Just wondering what you’re doing tomorrow. Carter’s going on a play date and I won’t have to pick him up until the late afternoon.”

  “I have Zumba on the beach tomorrow morning then relaxing. You’re more than welcome to join me.”

  Zumba? What the fuck? Should I hand over my man card now? The only time I dance is when there’s alcohol involved and I doubt tomorrow I’ll be able to get drunk enough to make a fool of myself, but then again this is my chance to hang out with her and get to know her again.